I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
