its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
