He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
