i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
