I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
