Don't make out with my wife yet
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
