Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
