Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
