why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we're making bets on your personal life
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
