You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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