Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
