sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
