Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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