I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
