Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
