My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
