I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
