does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
