My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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