one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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