Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
