i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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