can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
