Soap is not a condiment
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
