please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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