This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
