this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
