she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
