i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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