oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
