he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
