i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.