I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me