Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.