Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(660): View more from Missouri

I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts

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(705): View more from Ontario

We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.

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(209): View more from California

You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.

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(703): View more from Virginia

As a home can we vote to stab Peter?

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