so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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