saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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