What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
