and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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