you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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