Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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