Please, let me fuck your mom
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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