I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
