I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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