Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
