on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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