So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
