Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
