I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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