Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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