I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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