$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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