I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
