I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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