Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can I color on your dick again?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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