I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
