Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
