now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
