2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As shirtless as possible
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
