So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
