Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
