After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
