When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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