I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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