after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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