She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All the doctor said was why
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
