sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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