I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
