I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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