so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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