hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
