you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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